HOW ABOUT THAT?....
Man admits having sex with 1,000 cars
Meet Edward Smith. A resident of the U.S. state of Washington, Mr. Smith lives with his "girlfriend", Vanilla, which sounds like a normal enough relationship until you meet Vanilla -- a white Volkswagen Beetle.
"I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love," said Smith.
"Maybe I'm a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it's just wonderful.
"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change."He added: "I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."
"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change."He added: "I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."
Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.
As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles – a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger. Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses.
But he confesses that many of the cars he has had sex with have belonged to strangers or car showrooms.
Mr. Smith kept quiet about his secret fetish for years, but agreed to be interviewed as part of a channel Five documentary into "mechaphilia". He is shown meeting other enthusiasts at a rally in California.
His last relationship with a woman was 12 years ago - and he could not bring himself to consummate it, although he did have sex with girls in his younger days.
Talking about how his unusual passion developed, Mr Smith said: "It's something that grew as a part of me when I was a kid and I could not shake it.
"I just loved cute cars right from the beginning, but over the years it got stronger once I got into my teenage years and was my first having sexual urges.
"When I turned 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it.
"I didn't fully understand it myself except that I know I'm not hurting anyone and I do not intend to."
He added: "There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving.
"There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them.
"As far as women go, they never really interested me much. And I'm not gay.”
Mr Smith is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together by internet forums.
EYE CATCHING
"It was of no use to demonstrate to such opponents that the Vermont myths differed but little in essence from those universal legends of natural personification which filled the ancient world with fauns and dryads and satyrs, suggested the kallikanzarai of modern Greece, and gave to wild Wales and Ireland their dark hints of strange, small, and terrible hidden races of troglodytes and burrowers. No use, either, to point out the even more startlingly similar belief of the Nepalese hill tribes in the dreaded Mi-Go or "Abominable Snow-Men" who lurk hideously amidst the ice and rock pinnacles of the Himalayan summits." -"The Whisperer in Darkness" by H.P. Lovecraft http://www.etsy.com/listing/74339303/fungi-from-yuggothreserved-for
Top 10 web sites you are not allowed to use when you are at work
Most employees are wasting their time on Facebook, when they are at work, according to a study created by OpenDNS, so naturally Facebook is on the first position in this top, with a 23% percentage.
The second place, with 13%, goes to MySpace, closely following by YouTube, with 11,9%. In the four and five spots we can find Ad.Doubleclick.net with 5,7% and Twitter, with 4,2%.
The second half of this top is occupied by Hotmail ( 2,1%), Orkut.com (2,1%), Ad.YieldManager.com ( 1.8% ), Meebo ( 1,6%) and eBay.com ( 1.6%).
Freaks: Brazilian Woman Legally Allowed To Masturbate And Watch Porn On Her Work Computer
"I got so bad I would to masturbate up to forty seven-times a day. That's when I asked for help, I knew it wasn't normal."
In a decision that can only be described as touchy, a Brazilian judge has reportedly ruled that a 36-year-old female accountant can legally masturbate at work and watch porn on her work computer. Ana Catarian Bezerra successfully argued that she suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality, according to a viral news story.
Her work situation began to suffer because the only way she can relieve her anxiety is by masturbating frequently, according to Guanabee.com. “I got so bad I would to masturbate up to 47 times a day,” she said. “That’s when I asked for help, I knew it wasn’t normal.”
After winning a court battle and seeking professional help, Bezerra is legally entitled to combine work with pleasure. Her doctor has also given her a medical cocktail of tranquilizers that has reduced her need to masturbate to about 18 times a day.
-- Let's see, she has solo sex about 18 times a day ... WHOA! That works out to.more than once an hour during a 16-hour day (I'm allowing for eight hours sleep). She must go through a lot of batteries. Still, given that she has a medically proven condition, it was good that the court found in Ms. Bezerra's favor so she could keep her accounting job
Hypersexuality is extremely frequent or suddenly increased sexual urges or sexual activity. Although hypersexuality can be caused by some medical conditions or medications, in most cases the cause is unknown. (Wikipedia)
Disney Channel vs. Discovery Channel
TREE SPIRIT PROJECT
Johns Island, part of the U.S. state of North Carolina, is known for two things, the Johns Island park and the park's main attraction -- an Angel Oak tree believed to be 1,400 years old.
South Carolina police said California-based art photographer Jack Gescheidt and 25 models who posed nude beneath a tree in a public park were detained for two hours, but no charges were filed.
Mr. Gescheidt said the photo shoot is part of his TreeSpirit project, which involves photographing nudes beneath important trees in several states. He said the project, which he began in 2003, is a work in progress.
Man Called 911 To Get Beer ... DOH!
BRIDGEPORT, Connecticut, USA -- He is old enough to know better, but he did it anyway. In fact, he did it more often that most people would ever have a need.
Police in Connecticut said Raymond Roberge, who called 911 three times and then asked emergency responders to make a beer run, was charged with misuse of 911.
Bridgeport police said Mr. Roberge, 65, called 911 three times Sunday and told emergency responders he would pay them to go buy him some beer, according to local news reports.
Sales of beer, wine and liquor are banned on Sundays in Connecticut.
Mr. Roberge, who police said has called 911 for false alarms 79 times since the start of the year, was arrested on a charge of misusing the 911 system.
Police in Connecticut said Raymond Roberge, who called 911 three times and then asked emergency responders to make a beer run, was charged with misuse of 911.
Bridgeport police said Mr. Roberge, 65, called 911 three times Sunday and told emergency responders he would pay them to go buy him some beer, according to local news reports.
Sales of beer, wine and liquor are banned on Sundays in Connecticut.
Mr. Roberge, who police said has called 911 for false alarms 79 times since the start of the year, was arrested on a charge of misusing the 911 system.
14 Signs That You’re Drunk
1) You think pizza at 3am is a good ideaAnd not just any pizza will quench your booze-induced hunger. A drunk this sloppy can only be satisfied with double cheese, jalapeno, pineapple, sausage, pepperoni, chicken and double pepper pizza dipped in ranch dressing. Exactly the type that will give you heartburn for days to accompany that nice hangover you’ll be experiencing in T-5 hours.
2) You try to have an actual, meaningful convo with your taxi driver
Extra points for inviting him in for a drink or toke.
3) You think that going to an after-hours club is a good idea
How many times have you asked yourself why you thought that last bar was a good idea? Personally? A lot. That goes tenfold for after hours clubs.
Assuming I’m still able to see by the time I get there, I usually wish I couldn’t. If you’ve been to the shit show that is Drai’s, then you know what I mean.
4) You agree, enthusiastically, to take a shot of Jager
Typically, Jager shots are accompanied with groans and “well okayy”s until 1:45am hits. After that, even red headed slut shots start to sound like a grand idea.
5) You start to crave tequila, too
Even if it’s bottom shelf, which I like to refer to as “sweaty sock” tequila.
6) You can only speak in cave-man language
“Mmm, hungry. Tired. Can’t see. Jager, Yes. Tequila, No. Drunk. Dizzy. Help. Sleep. zzzzzz” – Ava circa New Years Eve 2008
7) You’re suddenly really interested in calling/texting your mom, ex, or that guy you’ve been stalking pursuing.
And then you wake the next morning to see that you’ve called your crazy ex Mike at least 8 times around 2:45am. One call lasted more than 35 seconds, meaning that you left a long ass voicemail, or worse, you actually spoke. Then you have the fun task of spending all morning deciding whether or not you should send the apologetic text of shame, or whether you should just pull the “I don’t remember” card.
Choose wisely, my friend.
8 ) you’ve stopped pulling down your mini skirt when it hikes up, or stopped pulling your top up if it falls down.
God help us if you’re Ms. Extremely Attainable.
9) your friend who used to look like Dwight Schrute is starting to look like Jim Halpert
Abort bar sesh and go home immediately. Sans Dwight.
10) you suddenly think its a great idea to dance on raised surfaces/poles
Extra points if it’s a strip club.
11) you get sudden urges to get naked (esp if you’re male)
How many times have I been at a bar and seen a guy decide that he was drunk enough to be God’s gift to women? Too many. Gents, keep your snakes in your trousers and your shirt on your shoulders unless you look like this:
12) You can’t keep both eyes open
Given that by this point, you probably also have messy hair and disheveled clothing, you probably look like a cross between a bum and Quasimoto.
13) The volume of your voice is at an uncontrollably high level
Not only are you drunk, but bass has been pounding in your ears for hours. No wonder you’re only capable of screaming at your friends.
14) you can’t stop peeing
You went and broke the seal, and now you’re paying for it. Ever have that friend who pisses himself when he gets too drunk? Oh that’s you? Sorry. That’s not funny at all.
Caution: On-Line Dating Has It Perils
BARRIE, Ontario, Canada -- Life is not without its unanticipated perils, and that includes life on the Internet -- particularly on-line dating, where a unique peril turned up when a Canadian man set up a blind-date on the Internet. The woman turned up, as arranged, for the date at a coffee shop in Barrie, Ontario, but from there things went rapidly downhill. She was his present girlfriend.
First, she threw a cup of coffee in the man's face. Then she slapped him for good measure, according to local news reports.
The 49-year-old woman was arrested by an off-duty police officer who happened to be in the coffee shop. She is now awaiting a bail hearing.
There has yet to be any comment from either party following the altercation.
-- ZOINKS! Well, this little episode proves that these two have at least one thing in common: They have equally bad taste in choosing potential partners, hehehe! When they first met on their "blind-date" and recognized each other, I'll bet each was thinking the other had just caught them cheating -- things can really go "downhill" when that happens. The only way to retrieve a situation like that is to see the humor in it and start laughing and, if your "date" starts laughing, you have a good chance of saving or killing the relationship on a positive, friendly note by the end of the first or second drink. Which is a darn sight better than the ending in Barrie, Ontario.
Something old, something nude: Groom and not-so-blushing bride have naked wedding
Melanie Schachner, 26, and Rene Schachner, 31, had racked their brains to come up with something so memorable for their big day that they would never forget.
Thankfully for the couple, the registrar managed to keep her embarrassment under control and make it through the reading of the vows.Melanie said: 'We're not ashamed of our bodies and we wanted to do something different. It certainly saved on a wedding dress.'
In 2009 Australian couple Ellie Barton and Phil Hendicott, who conducted their nuptials in the nude back in 2009.
They won a radio competition which awarded them a free wedding - as long as they both wore nothing at all.
But their 250 wedding guests were allowed clothes.
'... A Wedding Guests Will Never Forget'
Man In Cow Suit Charged With Stealing ... Milk
The Stafford County Sheriff's office said a man in a cow suit stole 26 gallons of milk from a Wal-Mart and handed the jugs to passersby outside.
Sheriff's spokesman Bill Kennedy said the man stole the milk from the Wal-Mart in Garrisonville about 10:35 p.m., according to local news reports.
Kennedy said witnesses reported seeing the man distributing the milk to passersby outside the store.
It was unclear how the man was able to get 26 gallons of milk outside.
Deputies said they responded a short time later to a call about a disturbance at a nearby McDonald's and spotted an 18-year-old man who matched the description of the suspect. The man, whose name was not released, was found to have a cow suit in his car.
Montana State Trooper This is a real news item from a real newspaper. If this doesn't make you laugh, nothing will! Hehe!
In most of the United States there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicles on the highway when temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3 a.m. one very cold morning, Montana State Trooper Allan Nixon responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Great Falls, Montana. He located the car, stuck in deep snow and with the engine still running. Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the trooper walked to the driver's door to find an elderly man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.
The driver came awake when the trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rear-view mirror, and the state trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into "drive" and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20 - 30 - 40 mph and then 50 MPH, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.
Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding (but stationary) car. The driver totally freaked, thinking the trooper was actually keeping up with him.
This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the trooper yelled, "PULL OVER!"
The man nodded, turned his wheel and stopped the engine.
Needless to say, the man from North Dakota was arrested and is probably still shaking his head over the state trooper in Montana who could run 50 miles per hour.
Who says troopers don't have a sense of humor?
Man taken to hospital to have toilet seat removed
CAIRNS, Australia (AP) - A man who used a public toilet in a shopping mall was taken to a hospital to have the toilet seat removed from his backside after someone smeared it with glue in what an official condemned Monday as a sick joke.
Police urged possible witnesses to come forward after the 58-year-old man was humiliated in the northeastern city of Cairns by the prank.
An ambulance was called to help the man after he was found stuck by fast-acting adhesive glue to a toilet seat on Saturday in the busy shopping mall.
Paramedics removed the seat from the toilet and took him to a hospital, where medical staff used industrial solvents to get it off.
Cairns local government official Di Forsyth said the man, who was not identified, was not injured but was "extremely embarrassed" by his experience.
"I'm disgusted that a gentlemen has had to go through that because someone thinks it's funny," Forsyth said. "It's a sick joke."
Police urged possible witnesses to come forward after the 58-year-old man was humiliated in the northeastern city of Cairns by the prank.
An ambulance was called to help the man after he was found stuck by fast-acting adhesive glue to a toilet seat on Saturday in the busy shopping mall.
Paramedics removed the seat from the toilet and took him to a hospital, where medical staff used industrial solvents to get it off.
Cairns local government official Di Forsyth said the man, who was not identified, was not injured but was "extremely embarrassed" by his experience.
"I'm disgusted that a gentlemen has had to go through that because someone thinks it's funny," Forsyth said. "It's a sick joke."
WAY TO GO "GOOGLE":
Examples of often baffling Chinglish can be found across Shanghai
The authorities in the Chinese city of Shanghai are starting a campaign to try to spot and correct badly phrased English on signs in public places.
Chinglish, as the inaccurate use of the language is known, has long been a source of embarrassment for the authorities there.
It is also a source of amusement to foreign visitors.
But Shanghai wants to spruce up its image. It is expecting millions of visitors for the World Expo fair.
Student volunteers will check the English on signs throughout the city.
If they suspect the translation is less than accurate they will inform the government. Then the bureaucrats will request that whoever is responsible corrects the mistake.
It is also a source of amusement to foreign visitors.
But Shanghai wants to spruce up its image. It is expecting millions of visitors for the World Expo fair.
Student volunteers will check the English on signs throughout the city.
If they suspect the translation is less than accurate they will inform the government. Then the bureaucrats will request that whoever is responsible corrects the mistake.
(June 22, 2011)
I told you not to tell that asshole cat!
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