A SUNDAY DRIVE in MAY

A Sunday drive

is an automobile trip typically taken for pleasure or leisure on a Sunday, usually in the afternoon. During the Sunday drive, there is typically no destination and no rush. ⁽From Wikipedia,)

FROM KINGSTON

 

TO LEEDS AND GRENVILLE COUNTY

GANANOQUE



IVY LEA







ROCKPORT

MALLORYTOWN 

TO BE CONTINUE...

THE SUMMER IS NOT HERE YET!

HUMOUR PAGE 1

KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY!

The Economy Is So Bad...

-- Women are having sex with their husbands and boyfriends because they can't afford batteries.
-- Jury duty is now considered a good-paying job.
-- Banks are now mailing us pre-declined credit cards.
-- African TV now shows "sponsor an American child" commercials.
-- CEO's are playing miniature golf.
-- Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.
-- ATMs now give IOUs!
-- A stripper was bruised when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies.
-- Mormon polygamists now have only one wife.
-- If the bank returns your check marked "insufficient funds", you ask if they mean you or them.
-- McDonald's is now selling a quarter-ouncer.
-- Beverly Hills parents are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.
-- A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.
-- A picture is now worth only 200 words.
-- They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street".

A Tale Of Mortifying Tragedy

Housework used to be a woman's job but, one evening, Janice returned from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer.
Dinner was on the stove, and the table set.
She was astonished!
It turned out that her husband, Chuck, had read an article that said, "Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex."
The night went very well.
The next day, Janice told her friends all about it.
"We had a great dinner. Chuck even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids clean with their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening."
"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.
"Oh, that ... Chuck was too tired."

Shopping For A Bathing Suit

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked ..."Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
He's still in intensive care.

The Toilet

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet.
Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet.
As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie returned home and soon realized Lucy's predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.
Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.
The Emergency Room doctor got her into a  position where he could study how best to free her (try to get a mental picture of this).
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
The doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed before."

DOH! Man Taken To Hospital To Have Toilet Seat Removed

ELKTON, Maryland, USA -- There's nothing worse than having an embarrassing moment, unless it is knowing that your embarrassing moment was caused by a prankster.
Such is the case of a man who sat on a glue-covered toilet seat in a Walmart in Elkton, Maryland. The man  suffered minor injuries but authorities said the perpetrator of the prank could land in jail.
Police, paramedics and firefighters were summoned to the store in Elkton on March 31, at about 7 p.m. EDT.
Firefighters spent 15 minutes getting the victim off the john. The victim, identified only as a 48-year-old man, had to be taken to Union Hospital of Cecil County with the toilet seat still glued to his rear end, said Lt. Matthew Donnelly of the Elkton Police Department.
The seat was finally removed at the hospital, leaving the man with only minor injuries.
Lt. Donnelly said the person who carried out the prank could be charged with second-degree assault. Investigators say the attack appears to have been someone's idea of fun and the victim was simply unlucky.

 

      

Real Men Eat Quickies

A man is seated in a restaurant where all the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt, and with legs that won't quit, comes to his table.
"What would you like, sir?" she asks.
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame, top to bottom, and says, "A quickie."
She walks away in disgust.
After regaining her composure, she returns. "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out. "A quickie, please."
Her anger takes over. She slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK" and storms away.

At that moment, a man sitting at the next table leans over and says, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

Winter-Spring Romance

At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25-year-old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that, after their wedding, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Morris, her 85-year-old groom ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Morris takes leave of his young bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door and it's Morris. Again he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Morris is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more action.
Once again they enjoy each other but, as Morris gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Morris."
Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says, "You mean I was here already?"

Alzheimers - it has its advantages!!

Will Rogers' Words of Wisdom

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Always drink upstream from the herd.

3. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

4. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

5. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

6. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

7. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

8. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

9. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

10. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

(Editor: Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) is one of Americans' favorite humorists. He performed on stage, on radio and in movies.)

FAST FOODS versus HEALTHY FOODS

General tips for making good fast food choices:

• Choose a plain hamburger. Extras like cheese and sauces can triple the calories.
• Choose grilled chicken over breaded options like nuggets or “crispy” varieties.
• Choose “snack” sizes, which often have half the calories of the full-size version.
• Be a small fry. If you must have fries, keep it to a small size; or if your meal comes with a larger size, throw half of them out before you even start eating.
• Salads aren’t always healthy. Salads provide lots of nutrients and fiber, but some pack in more calories than a hamburger and fries. So avoid toppings like bacon, cheese, crispy lo mein noodles and fried tortilla strips. See if the restaurant offers a half portion.
• Choose vinaigrette over creamy salad dressings.
• Skip the soda and the shakes.
• Other good choices include chili, baked potatoes and bean burritos
• Don’t make it a habit. Try to make fast food an occasional treat for you and your kids. Even when making decent choices, children and teens are unlikely to meet the nutrient demands of a growing body on a diet of fast food.



25,000th Big Mac: McDonald’s Is Bad, But Is Subway the Real Devil in Disguise?
25,000th Big Mac in one man’s belly. A Wisconsin man is going to eat, yes that number you read is correct, his 25,000th Big Mac today — the 39th anniversary of his very first Big Mac. Don Gorske sometimes has two Big Macs a day. Gorske rose to “fame” from the documentary movie Super Size Me. The movie followed director Morgan Spurlock as he ate nothing but McDonald’s for 30 days. Though Spurlock came down with a host of health problems eating nothing but McDonald’s, Gorske is living the McDonald’s dream. Unbelievably, he still has low cholesterol. Some people are just genetic marvels, but for a majority of the U.S. population, cholesterol is a major issue.

 

America is obsessed with bacon. No longer is it just a side with eggs or the 'B' in a BLT; bacon and bacon flavoring have managed to find their way into chocolate, into mayonnaise, and even into vodka. As the slogan of America's Pork Checkoff Program says, "Bacon makes it better."

Denny's is no stranger to bacon, having served it up at breakfast for decades with their Grand Slams. However "America's diner," along with support from America's Pork Checkoff Program, has stepped up its bacon offerings with the new, limited-time menu called "Baconalia!: A Celebration of Bacon." The crispy and salted pork product invades Denny's like never before, with items like Bacon Flapjacks, Bacon Meatloaf, and the BBBLT. But the most peculiar and talked about new offering is the new Maple Bacon Sundae.

The Claims: Denny's Maple Bacon Sundae starts with a layer of maple-flavored syrup, topped with a layer of vanilla ice cream, topped with a layer of diced hickory-smoked bacon. All of this is topped by an additional set of the same layers.

The Price: $2.99. (Prices may vary at participating locations.)





POOL: (Real Simple magazine)

Do you have a gym membership?

31%         a. Yes! I love working out.

28%          b. Yes, but I don't use it as much as I should.

41%           c. No, it's a waste of my money.

35-minute hooping exercise routine is comparable in calories burned to cardio kickboxing

There are many regrets you may have in your lifetime, but eating your fruits and veggies will never make that list.

Dark chocolate flavonoids are healthy for your heart. Chocolate is also high in potassium and magnesium.

closed my eyes

and I was nothing

yeah, I was running

I was nothing

and then I was flying